I feel really antsy and it’s uncomfortable
Anime is corrupting our youth, these children need to make Jesus their senpai
R.I.P. MSN, the only messenger that allowed me to send a giant unavoidable popup of a pig shaking his ass to funky techno music to my conversational partner if they were ignoring me
when guardians of the galaxy finished and the credits started, a few people got up and started leaving and i said to my dad “this process is what i like to call ‘weeding out the weak’” and the woman in front of me heard me and laughed so hard she choked on her drink
This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:
ancestor sadstuck: the grand highblood informs darkleer that he has fallen mysteriously ill and darkleer is like ‘sir you just ate appro%imately half your body weight in chicken wings please go lay down’.
such a tragedy
motherfuck god i laughed so hard i tipped the laptop off my bed thank you
Literally the best photoset I’ve ever seen on tumblr
What the hell happened to the second to last one
When I was in fifth grade I realized I liked girls but I was like “that’s a problem for another day” and literally forgot about it and then in like eleventh grade I was like “oh my god”
YOU PROCRASTINATED REALIZING YOUR SEXUALITY THAT’S IT YOU WIN YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF THE PROCRASTINATORS i bow to you
closing up the gross wooounnd